Control

We recently saw “White Oleander” which I greatly feared would truly suck, especially because of the girly cover.  It didn’t suck.  Michelle Pfeiffer’s role was meaty, and must have been quite fun to play.  One of our favorite lines describes toddlers as, “always clinging to you like spiders.”

There are some things we simply can’t control.  But that’s not comforting, and so we pretend to somehow be in control, or at least that we’re responsible for the situation around us. 

Most cultures have their own angle on this.  For example, Chinese tradition says that shaving your baby’s head leads to fuller hair for the baby later in life.  Or that if you drink cold water or have wet hair for too long, you increase the risk of arthritis later in life.  There’s more, too.  Some of it may be true, but some of it probably isn’t.

Aaron’s a colicy baby.  (At this point, you should think, Poor Aaron.  Then think, Poor parents!)  A few days ago, Lillian described Aaron as “sour,” and blamed it on the fact that her pregnancy with Aaron was tougher than her pregnancy with Maddie.  Now, her pregnancy with him was tougher, but that’s just silly.  We don’t know why he’s that way, but it could be for so many reasons.  Perhaps he’s over-stimulated by being around his crazy two-year old sister.  Perhaps his stomach simply isn’t mature enough to comfortably digest his food.  Perhaps he wants more loving attention.  Likely, it’s all of the above in one measure or another.

But to think Lillian set the wheels in motion for a sour baby simply because it was rough being pregnant and having a two-year-old clinging to her all the time like a spider, is just too fatalistic.  I could have told her all this, and we could have gotten into it.  (Is it more comforting to think that something bad is your fault, or that you simply don’t have control over some aspects of your life?)  But when you do have a colicy baby, sometimes you just don’t have the energy to debate.